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It’s not that motorcyclists are rude—it’s that we tend to not sugar-coat things very much. Obviously, your mileage may vary among individuals since we’re not all alike, but this is one thing that we, as a group, tend to have in common. If you’re looking for someone to just fluff your ego all the time, that’s probably not a motorcyclist.
That doesn’t mean we’re not polite upon meeting new people, like your family or something. However, it does mean that we’re less likely to want to spend an hour talking with Uncle John as he excruciatingly regales us with all the plot twists of all those episodes of that anarchy show he watched (and apparently thought was a documentary).
We’ll Get Better Parking Spaces Than You All The Time
Don’t be mad; it’s just the nature of parking anything on two wheels in any place where street parking is totally bonkers. Parking lots are a different story, since most of them don’t have motorcycle-specific spots, and so those of us on bikes have to compete with cars (even though you can fit a bunch more bikes in a car spot).
Give us a bustling city, though, and we’ll find a sweet street spot while you’re still circling the block for half an hour, even if you’re driving something tiny, like a Smart ForTwo. If you’re the kind of person who gets competitive about that sort of thing, you definitely shouldn’t date a motorcyclist.
You May Not Always Approve Of Our Footwear On Dates
Even if your particular motorcycle date isn’t a firm believer in ATGATT (that’s “all the gear, all the time,” for non-motorcyclists), they’re gonna wear whatever footwear they feel makes them most secure on their bike—and looks cool to them, of course.
A lot of times, that means boots. Sometimes it’s full race boots; sometimes it’s motocross boots; sometimes it’s just Timberlands or sneakers. No matter what it is, if you’re expecting your date to show up in fancy, dressy footwear all the time, it’s less likely from a motorcyclist. Those with luggage on their bikes might carry along dress shoes for special occasions, so depending on your date, it’s not completely out of the question. Did you even notice if their bike has luggage or not?
We Either Show Up On A Bike, Or We Dress Up—Not At The Same Time
Maybe you like the idea of your date showing up on a bike. Obviously, we’re OK with that since we ride them pretty much everywhere. It’s not completely impossible to be dressed up while riding a bike—but it’s also not super common.
The fact is, we’re probably going to dress pretty casually. There may or may not be bike leathers involved. If you’re dating a sportbike rider, two-piece leathers are a distinct possibility (one-piece leathers are usually saved for the track, so no jumpsuit action for you, sorry).
If your date wears overpants (and feel free to ask what those are, although the name really tells you all you need to know), it’s possible that something fancier than jeans will be underneath them when your date peels off that outer layer. Many times (but not always), fancy dress is easier to manage in a car.
We’re Not Cheating On You; We Just Spend All Our Money On Bikes And Gear
Even if we’re not lusting after a full Termignoni exhaust system, or sweet suspension upgrades, or a front end swap with an F4 (and all the work that entails), regular bike maintenance isn’t cheap. I mean, have you seen the cost of good motorcycle tires?
Quality motor oil, fork oil, chain lube, oil filters, o-rings, appropriate cleaners, and assorted bits and pieces all cost money. Sprockets, chains, and belts all wear out and need replacing and/or upgrading. If the motorcyclist you’re dating has a shaft-driven bike, you can ignore that last line, but otherwise—it adds up.
Not only that; you need to replace your helmet regularly for safety reasons, and those definitely aren’t cheap. Plus, Rev’It, Dainese, IXS, Alpinestars, RS Taichi, and every other gear manufacturer just keeps releasing new gear in new styles and we want it all. You want us to be safe, don’t you? I thought so.
On the other hand, that also means we can’t cheat on you because we spent all our money on bikes and gear, so this is actually a win!
When We’re Not Riding Bikes, We’re Thinking About Bikes
That doesn’t mean that we don’t have other interests. However, it does mean that we frequently are physically incapable of shutting up about bikes. Be prepared.
There’s a saying amongst motorcyclists that says something like, “even the worst day on a bike is better than being stuck in an office.” This is 100% true. So if you’re looking for someone who only pays attention to you at all times—definitely look elsewhere, because you’re going to have to share.
If We Move In Together, We Take All The Closet Space With Gear
I have one hyphenated and two regular words for you: pre-curved leather jackets. Those slightly bent arms with full armor take up extra horizontal space when you hang them up. Not only that, those suckers are HEAVY. If you don’t already have some serious hangers in your closet, flimsy plastic (or terrible wire ones, which, why do you even have those in 2019 for anything?) are not going to cut it.
Not to mention all our boots! Many of us have more than one pair of moto boots. In fact, we might have several—and if you’re a sneakerhead or any other kind of shoe fanatic, you’re not gonna like all the space we take up. Then again, maybe you’ll decide you understand us a little bit because you like to collect, as well.
We Take Up All The Shelf Space With Our Helmet Collection
What, you think that motorcyclist you’re dating only has one helmet? He or she might not have a major problem yet—but it’s only a matter of time. Those things multiply somehow (maybe because we locked them in a closet in the dark together and/or made the mistake of feeding them after midnight).
“But how are you possibly wearing all those helmets?” you might be thinking. Do you wear all your jeans/t-shirts/shoes at once? I didn’t think so. Same thing here; it’s just that ours don’t fold up and stow away neatly in drawers when we’re not using them. Different helmets for different days, different moods, different occasions. Maybe only one has a camera or headset mount on it, and the others don’t.
Speaking of which, if your chosen motorcyclist rides connected AND you move in together, say goodbye to all your open USB slots. We’ll be using them all at the same time for our five zillion extra devices.
We Always Take The Long Way Wherever
It doesn’t matter where “there” even is—we’ll find a fun way to get to there. It will most certainly not be the fastest way. Car drivers often can’t understand this logic, because they’ll wonder why you’d ever want to take longer than you needed to get anywhere. If there are nice roads, we want to find and appreciate them.
It’s even OK if the speed limits are low. The main things we look for are good surfaces, few stop signs or lights, not too much traffic, low incidence of unexpected road debris, and some nice corners if possible. Most of the time, we avoid straight lines between points A and B and instead take the curvy side roads that take half an hour longer.
That doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re late to stuff all the time—but it does mean we’re leaving earlier than you think to get there.
We’ll Probably Want To Involve Motorcycling In Every Vacation Plans
You want someone to go on a cruise or hit up some all-inclusive resort package and lay around in the sun drinking margaritas like you could probably do at home for a lot less money in the summer? That’s cool if that’s your thing, but most motorcyclists you might be dating probably won’t be down with those plans.
The truth is, we’d rather be out doing almost anything else after a day or two. Trust me. It’s not that we don’t like to relax—but we don’t like to do absolutely nothing for days on end. We get restless, and we’re not good at it. For the most part, we need to keep moving somehow—even if it’s not actually on a bike. Give us some activities, like scenic hiking and other outdoor-type stuff and we’re more likely to be happy. Some down time is great, but just don’t expect us to do nothing straight for two weeks, because few things would stress us out more.
Taking a scenic tour across Europe on two wheels is, of course, a fantastic vacation plan. It must be love! For the bike, I mean.
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