We've all seen those fancy custom builds. By following these simple instructions, you, too, can be a true customizer, just like what's their faces on TV!

To start out, you have to have a real bike. That means only one brand will do: Harley-Davidson, specifically a model built between 1981 and 1989 when Ronald Reagan was President. Our example here is a 1986 FXR, the perfect basis for a custom job.

Perhaps it's a little too perfect. The FXR already has an 80 cubic inch Evo engine. With drag pipes, buckhorn handlebars, and forward controls, it's already the ultimate motorcycle. This is a good starting point, but with a few power-adding custom tweaks, we'll be taking this baby from its stock 49 horsepower all the way to a massive 400 freedom ponies.

Of course, noise equals horsepower. Specifically, one decibel of sound equals one horsepower, so we're already ahead of the game. Still, adding some custom tips to the existing straight pipes is good enough to add another 50 horsepower. Fuel system upgrades include a screaming eagle gas cap, which adds another 25 horsepower. Additional freedom pigeons all over the bike bring it up to an amazing, completely non-dyno-tested, 399 horsepower. The final ingredient is a secret fuel additive: a can of all-American Budweiser dumped into the tank.

With that, this custom-built 400-horsepower freedom machine is complete. It's so powerful that every Toyota Prius it passes immediately turns into a 1979 Ford Bronco. That's the power of American freedom for you.

Okay, in case it wasn't obvious, this video is a total farce of so-called "custom builders" that believe that adding a bunch of tacky parts to their bike as a build. It doesn't. Shadetree Surgeon would know. Not only did he build his own genuine custom out of a Yamaha XS650, he recently rode it 1,200 miles from Florida to Barber Motorsports Park and back for their vintage festival. He knows what a genuine custom build is because he's made one, so he is uniquely qualified to comment on people who think they're customizers but who haven't really put in the work.

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