Meet the Star Stryker, Yamaha’s attempt to steal lucrative faux chopper sales away from the Honda Fury. Like the Honda, the Styker attempts to hide things like decent emissions, some actual handling and functional brakes inside a package that looks like an unusable custom chopper, thereby enabling middle-aged dude bros to live out their facial hair fantasies without killing themselves at the first off ramp.

The Stryker’s specs are very similar to the Fury’s. The not-a-Yamaha uses a 1304cc fuel-injected, liquid-cooled v-twin that hides its radiator between the frame’s down tubes which is intended, along with the fake cooling fins, to hide the fact that you’re riding a wimpy liquid-cooled motorcycle. The inexplicably angry Honda’s fake-finned v-twin is 1312cc. Neither manufacturer lists a power figure, so we’ll go ahead and categorize both as “unimpressive.”

Yamaha is keen to emphasize that the not-a-Yamaha doesn’t use “cheap” plastic fenders, but is instead equipped with real-man steel fenders.

While both bikes looked paired to the bone in an attempt to look bad to the bone, they’re still freakishly heavy at 646lbs for the not-a-Yamaha and 663lbs for the somewhat cross Honda.

The not-a-Yamaha has the quite peeved Honda beat in two important areas though: fuel capacity and rear tire width. The not-a-Yamaha holds 4.0 gallons of dino juice to the pretty ticked Honda’s 3.4 gallons, meaning the not-a-Yamaha will be able to travel further distances between bars, assuming the mustachioed operator remains sober enough not to crash that is. The not-a-Yamaha is also equipped with a 210-section rear tire to the displeased Honda’s tiny 200-section item. As we all know, that means not-a-Yamaha riders have 5 percent larger penises than ill-tempered Honda riders, which is how you explain the fact that the not-a-Yamaha’s steering will be slower; it just takes more effort to get those gigantic phalluses around a corner due to their massive bulk.

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