Why Wearing Jeans on a Motorcycle is a Really Bad Idea
Update 2013: 10 Things I’ve Learned From 10 Motorcycle Crashes >>
In the ranks of embarrassing pictures you could have posted on the Internet of yourself, I’m going to guess this one is close to the top. Yeah, that’s my butt, clearly visible through my shredded Y-fronts, rubbed raw and bleeding from sliding down the road. Those undies provided about as much protection as the Levis 511s I was wearing, which is to say none. This happened at around 35 to 40 mph.
Now this photo, this is of my left knee, which enjoyed a similar amount of protection: none. Cat’s Eye? Foot peg? Wombat? I’m not really sure what poked the hole, but it’s about an inch deep.
A little bit of leather, a little bit of armor and neither injury would have occurred. I won’t argue that, you can’t argue that, it’s simply a fact.
Really, it was no big deal. Riding home from dinner around 11 pm, I had a green light to turn left on a city street, so I turned left. I wasn’t practicing for an MSF course, but I wasn’t riding fast either. Just normal guy-riding-a-bike stuff.
Just as I apexed the 90-degree corner, the bike started leaning over really far, then it was sliding away from me on its side. What the hell? Once I’d stopped sliding, I ran over, picked the bike up, put it on the curb, then went back to see what had caused the low-side. Turns out there was a patch of car safety glass, the kind that turns itself into little marbles when it shatters, all over the middle of the corner. I hadn’t seen it in the dark and it was literally like hitting marbles. No warning, just slip.
At that point, I realized my jeans were torn to shreds, my leg and butt were hurting like hell and, man not again, my left arm was broken.
I needed to go to the hospital, but I needed to get the RSV4 someplace safe first. It’d be gone in 30 minutes if I left it unattended on a curb in Hollywood. So, instead of calling an ambulance, I pushed it two blocks to my old house.
Once I’d stopped in the driveway and gotten my old roommates to unlock the gate, push the bike around back and lock it up, I laid down on the couch while they fed me shots of vodka. A quick once over revealed that my knee was bleeding pretty badly, as was my butt. The arm was still broken and there was a growing sense of hollowness in my left chest. Adrenaline wearing off, this was all beginning to hurt.
Mark offered to drive me to Cedars Sinai hospital, but not before grabbing a towel so I wouldn’t get butt blood all over his seats. I got the peculiar experience of strolling into the ER and checking myself in with my butt hanging out of the hole in my jeans.
Five hours later I got a bed and a couple hours after that I got painkillers and then everything was alright.
After much head scratching from doctors, cat scans and X-rays, it turned out there was no actual damage to the bones or ligaments in my knee. Giant sigh of relief, I’m paranoid about injuring my knees.
But, my tailbone was bruised (along with the rest of my butt and thighs), there was the road rash, two fractured ribs and that stupid broken arm.
I’d suspected for a while that the metal I had in my arm from a crash back in 2008 was making the whole thing weaker, not stronger. There was no medical evidence to support it, but I know what breaking a limb feels like and I know what kind of force is required, so it’s been my theory that the metal was to blame when I broke my wrist (exactly at the end of the plate) last summer. That crash just wasn’t big enough to break a healthy bone.
Now, the Cedars ortho team was agreeing. I don’t have the X-rays to share yet, but this plate basically popped its screws and pulled pieces of the Ulna with it. One of the doctors showed me a vertical view and it looked barely broken. Then he showed me a side-on view, and it was gnarly. We both jumped in terror when it came on screen.
So, we agreed to take the opportunity to take the old metal (seen here) out and replace it with something much more comprehensive. I now have a plate covering the entire length of my forearm, coincidentally installed by the same surgeon that worked on Adey’s leg, Charles Moon.
Continue Reading: NSFW Photos On Page 2 >>