They talk TV. Do you talk TV?
The galaxy's scientific and xenopological communities were rocked recently by news of a newly-discovered mechanoid lifeform found living on The Planet of Junk. How, exactly, these creatures evaded discovery so long is a mystery, but their discovery during a clash between warring Cybertronian factions is, perhaps, the scientific news of the century.
According to the Teletraan One News Agency, newly appointed Autobot leader Ultra Magnus and a handful of his subordinates were fleeing Earth when the shuttlecraft they were escaping in took heavy damage during a Decepticon ambush. With some quick thinking, the Autobots escaped the ambush in the shuttle's escape pod but were forced to find a port where they could put in for repairs. Thankfully, the planet Junkion—a little-known artificial world and galactic scrap yard—was in the vicinity and easily reachable by the short-range escape pod.
After crash landing on Junkion, Ultra Magnus and his crew set to repairing the pod and exploring the nearby scrap for usable spare parts. Unfortunately, the Decepticon death squad appeared again and attacked. A brief skirmish ensued during which Ultra Magnus was grievously wounded, the Autobot shuttle was destroyed, and the Decepticons made off with an Autobot artifact. The surviving Autobots had precious little time to grieve or recover, however, because just minutes after the Decepticons left they were set upon by the planet's native populace.
The Junkion natives, who call themselves simply "Junkions", are a mechanically adept, highly-modular race of transforming mechanoids of unknown origin. They apparently create themselves whole cloth from the countless tons of scrap that make up their world, and seem to be cobbled together from all manner of galactic detritus. Each individual Junkion has a motorcycle-style alternate mode, but each is unique thanks to the Junkions' unique physical makeup.
Hostile and extremely territorial, Junkions have a tribal society and are led by a cunning and powerful warrior chief named Wreck-Gar. Their language and culture are, inexplicably, heavily influenced by Earth-based television broadcasts. In fact, their nearly incomprehensible language is made up of snippets of dialog from countless mid-20th century movies and television shows, technical terminology, and a sort of pidgin made up of roughly a dozen galactic dialects and languages. While it sounds like gibberish to outsiders, individuals with enough patience and an appreciation for pop culture references can master the Junkion language in no time.
After the scuffle with the Junkions and the arrival of another shipload of Autobots, the Junkions and Autobots made peace. An impromptu celebration broke out during which the Junkions performed traditional music and dances for the Autobots and showed them incredible hospitality. This hospitality extended to the miraculous repair and revival of their stricken leader, Ultra Magnus.
Since their discovery, the Junkions have been visited by numerous emissaries from throughout the galaxy. These diplomatic missions have included, along with the usual diplomats and government functionaries, a number of xenopologist, archaeologists, and explorers. These latter individuals have begun piecing together the Junkions' mysterious background and deciphering their language.
There's no word yet on whether the Junkions will join the galactic community at large or will be content to stay on their world in privacy. Their knowledge of mechanics and motorcycle design would surely be an asset to bike lovers throughout the galaxy, however, so we hope we'll see them and their designs on the galactic stage sooner rather than later.
Source: Teletraan One News Agency