Ceci n'est pas une moto.

So, here's a thing. Back in 2014, an Italian design firm called JoeVelluto Design & Communication Studio (that's a mouthful) partnered with a Northern Italian bike builder called North East Customs to build a custom Yamaha XS500. They called it the JVLT014, and it's gorgeous. One caveat, though. This partnership wasn't forged to build a bike for a custom show or a race or a wealthy motorcycle collector. No, the two firms got together to turn the old Yamaha into a piece of home furniture.

I... what? Furniture? Yep, these dudes took a perfectly good old-school Yamaha off the street—a member of my beloved XS family at that!—and turned it into an expensive living room lamp.

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Like most things that are equal parts wondrous and terrible, I learned about this thing after I fell down an internet rabbit hole. It started out innocently enough. All I was doing was looking at XS-series parts bikes, one thing led to another and, well, you know how it is. I got down to the XS500 and, as I poked around to see if any ever made it here to The Colonies, I ran across the JVLT014. At first, I was like, "Oh man, that's a handsome bike. Tell me more!" then I was all, "FURNITURE!" It's a travesty, man.

JVLT014 Wooden XS500

Apparently, the "bike" was built back in 2014 for a furniture design exhibition called the Salone del Mobile Milano. The team at NEC stripped the old XS down, sprayed the frame a gorgeous sky blue color that reminds me both of Gulf livery and that weird color the Russians paint their aircraft cockpits, then made new bodywork for it out of furniture-grade wood. Here's what kills me: it's lovely and stylish and I want to ride it but I can't. Like, I can't fault the design at all. Were it a real bike and not a very expensive reading lamp I'd ride the wheels off of it. As it is, it just kind of feels like a waste. 

JVLT014 Wooden XS500
JVLT014 Wooden XS500

What do you think, would you have this in your living room? I sure would, but I'd always stare at it longingly and wonder, "What if?"

Source: JoeVelluto Design, North East Customs.