How do Harley-Davidson salespeople do it? Turns out that the key to selling Harleys is in the magic of a test ride that allows you to get your ego stroked.

Wherein we discover the genius contained within the official Harley test ride guidelines

So you’re a salesmen tasked with selling someone a product they don’t need, that they can’t afford, that isn’t competitive with rivals, that isn’t new and won’t make buyers stand out or demonstrate unique taste. How the hell do you do that? Don’t worry, the official Harley-Davidson test ride manual is here to help.

MORE THAN: Let’s All Tell Harley-Davidson What to Do

Well, that sure is a thing.

Well, that sure is a thing.

The manual was captured from the enemy by a member of the Yamaha FZ1 Owner’s Association.

Yes, branded do-rags and leather chaps are the most important part of your ride.

Yes, branded do-rags and leather chaps are the most important part of your ride.

As you can see, a Harley-Davidson test ride isn’t about demonstrating the objective merits of the product, it’s about immersing potential customers in the pirate lifestyle, assless leather chaps strongly encouraged.

A BIKE: 2018 Harley-Davidson Sport Glide - First Ride

It's not about the ride, after all. It's about a destination where you can be seen posing!

It's not about the ride, after all. It's about a destination where you can be seen posing!

This setup is pure genius. The potential for staged interactions with, say, a hot blonde, are literally limitless.

Yep, being seen. Very important.

Yep, being seen. Very important.

As you can see, not only is it important to limit the distance of the test ride to just a couple miles (although you still need to stop for water 4 miles in apparently) so the potential customer won’t be exposed to the long term limitations of the product, but it’s also crucial to structure the route around opportunities for posing.

A LIFESTYLE: Harley Gets Slicked and Stylish with American Crew

So how do you sell a Harley-Davidson? Basically, you make the person taking the test ride feel like they have a huge penis. That’s pretty damn smart actually.

Thanks for the tip, Blake.